2 Month Check-In

It is hard to believe that it has been two months since I started my campaign. This journey has offered me more insight into my mental health than I anticipated. It has also invited me into the challenging and frustrating process of changing. When I started this work, I had this implicit assumption that I would "draw a line in the sand" and everything would automatically improve. My two month check-in reflects the difficulty making change is in one's life. I am open about this difficulty, because I suspect that others experience this challenge. In sharing my difficultly, I hope to normalize the process of change as a non-linear journey.

The distorted ways I think sometimes have been extremely critical lately, and I have invested a lot of energy into trying to sooth those thoughts.

What are these distorted thoughts you ask- in counselling, specifically, cognitive-behavioural work, counsellors work with their clients to unearth and challenge locked and unhelpful ways of thinking. For me, I tend to view the world as "black and white," this is often referred to as "all or nothing" thinking. For me, if I did not complete the entirety of my run or missed a run, I at times assume I have failed and let myself down. In social work- counsellors work with folks to see the "grey" between the "black" and "white." Another mode of unhelpful thinking is catastrophic thinking. If I don't train to the lofty goals I set for myself (another thinking distortion) I will experience anxiety and worry I have let people, groups down. So, these are the narratives I have been wrestling with this month.

Generally, I had a rough month. I went out on vacation for 5 days and didn't eat as well as I hoped. I fell off my training regime and as discussed earlier, became quite self-critical of my campaign. The self-criticism (thoughts) influence my behaviour- in this case I got a little down and lost the motivation to train. Nonetheless, I have jumped back on the horse this weekend and have had two good runs and a great weight workout.

I do not think change is linear. My goal for this month is to continue to be gentle on myself and allow myself to make mistakes. Every major change I have made in my life had it's stumbling blocks- the nature of change is overcoming those challenges- it makes us resilient. ;)


Second Measurement

Weight- 199lbs (- 6lbs)
Medication #1- 200mg ( No change)
Medication # 2- 100mg (-+25mg's)
Depression Inventory Score- 36 (+ 6 points)
Anxiety Inventory Score- 33    (+ 2 points)


Cameronhelps Donation Campaign- $405 out of $2,000
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http://www.gofundme.com/qcc4qug