Shifting Gears a little: A New Starting Line

I'm going to put it out there. I have not even come close to hitting my training goals and a half-marathon seems very intimidating. As I write this blog, I feel a sense of panic arise, and I hear a voice telling my what a failure I am. I've written about the difficult journey of change before, and I thought that as I wrote about change I would have a better sense of how to engage and overcome the difficulty of changing. Well, I haven't, in fact, this whole journey of mental health recovery is taking a lot longer than I anticipated. In retrospect, I believe I had some unrealistic beliefs that my recovery would be this beautiful linear journey. Let me tell you, recovering is a challenging process that is beyond simply putting on running shoes and going for a run; I believe now it's about being frank with yourself and getting to the core of what makes you tick.


Running does not make me tick. From a young age I was implicitly told that being a runner was the highest of standards in the athletic/fitness community. The logic in selecting running as my medium of physical recovery was the notion of aspiring to a high level of fitness. Since starting my blog, I've learned that my recovery is not solely contingent on my physical fitness and true health involves all sorts of other realms (spiritual, social, psychological).


So, if running does make me "tick" than what am I going to do in terms of my physical health. I tried going to Goodlife fitness and I was more annoyed than inspired. So, I started back into Crossfit, which was something I really enjoyed a number of years ago. This morning I completed my first workout and I was the absolute worst in the class. However, I had fun and really enjoyed myself. I decided on my drive into work this morning that I would shift my blog to my mental health recovery, using Crossfit, as opposed to running. I also decided to run a 10k race as opposed to the half-marathon; this was a tough decision and the negative self-talk that chatters away inside me had a field day with this decision. I told myself, an agency (Cameronhelps) will still benefit from my fundraising and I will be doing something (Crossfit) that I actually enjoy.


I am overdue on my check-in, and will do that later this week. I am happy to express that my mental health continues to improve.


Please, if you have not already, donate to the "Go-fundme" account I have set up for Cameronhelps.