Long-Past Check-In: A New Hope

As is life..... Life got busy, and I allowed my blogging to fall by the way-side. I am resisting telling myself that I "should" have been writing more often. In one of the groups I facilitate at work, we call this "shoulding" on ourselves. So, I refuse to apologize, however, I believe I may have just covertly did.

As I wrote in my previous blog, I decided to shift my training from running to Crossfit. I wish I could tell you how incredible crossfit has been, however, the change of pace has come with some challenges. As I have indicated, my mental health took a toll on my body physically. Mental health isn't just mental, it takes a toll on you. The lack of energy, the anxiety and the daily struggle to escape your pressing negative thoughts doesn't exactly inspire you to get off the couch and exercise. For most of my life I have been "good" at sports. I've enjoyed relatively good hand-eye coordination and my limbs had always tended to move in the direction I wanted them. Returning to crossfit was a very depressing and frustrating experience. After my first workout I looked at myself and said "you're going to have to get used to be the absolutely worst in your class. Trying to execute the exercises leaves me almost wanting to cry- my body just doesn't do what I want it to do. I become very angry with mental health and subsequently become angered with the lack of support that was available to me. The negative self-talk runs like a tape recorder- "they must think you're so out of shape" " you're probably not even doing it right." While my confidence in the gym struggles, I have realized that while I am in crossfit, I am practicing mindfulness. My thoughts aren't wandering, they are focused on my form, counting repetitions, or simply trying to get through the workout. This was a pleasant and unexpected experience.

Despite the challenges I've experienced, I know it will get easier. The "crossfit community" has been incredibly supportive and encouraging. This is an outlet that I can see developing into a primary coping strategy; I am thankful I've reached out to this network.

Below is my check-in. I've had a tough go with my depression this month, the anxiety of returning to school (regardless if I am actually going or not) still pulls me. Thus, my numbers have dropped- I hope to improve these numbers for next check-in.

I am going to try and write more often. Perhaps report on what "crazy" workout I have been exposed to.

Fourth Measurement

Weight- 200lbs
Medication #1- 200mg ( No change)
Medication # 2- 50mg (-50mg's)
Depression Inventory Score 27.5 ( -12 points)
Anxiety Inventory Score- 28    (-2 points)


Cameronhelps Donation Campaign- $674 out of $2,000
PLEASE DONATE to Cameronhelps!

http://www.gofundme.com/qcc4qug