When the psychiatrist put me on one of my medications, he warned that I would crave carbs. Since starting the medication, I blindly ate what I craved, not really realizing that the cravings were bothering me. This morning as I pulled into work, all I wanted was a chocolate chip muffin. I could almost taste it in my mouth- I made a conscious effort to get into my office and drink the water I had packed. Yesterday I went for my first run; completing 4k. As I was running I was very aware and self-conscious of how out of shape I felt and must have looked. I felt like a linebacker rumbling up the path- it was clunky, uncomfortable and nowhere near as "enjoying" as I hoped it would be. I kept reminding myself that "this too shall pass" and that in time, this won't feel as foreign and mechanic like. Also, growing up in a running family, I was surrounded by "athletes" who appeared to run well. Those self-defeating thoughts trickled into my consciousness, reminding me that I was not the perfect athlete. I wondered what the pack of "University of Guelph Cross Country team" must have thought as they whipped by me. This run will take more courage that I originally thought.
My first weight workout was another explicit reminder how out of shape I was. A circuit series that focused on chest, back and legs really sucked a lot of energy out of me. As instructed, I did 2 sets of 10 reps on a series of weight machines. There's a small piece of me that remembers how good it felt to get the heart pumping.
I have started a fundraising campaign. I hope that folks will donate. I am looking at a local suicide committee in Waterloo- I will announce the agency when I complete my follow up talks with them.
Click the link below to donate!
http://www.gofundme.com/qcc4qug
Again- thank you so much for your support!
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